


Un-family-ar Territory

by SpiritOfSakura



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Baking, Cookies, Family, Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: ACCEPTING ANXIETY Part 2/2: Can Anxiety Be Good?, Sort of? - Freeform, Tags will be updated
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:56:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21616132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritOfSakura/pseuds/SpiritOfSakura
Summary: Virgil has been accepted by Thomas and the others, but he’s still getting used to his new relationships with the main sides.Still, he’ll get there, little by little.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 8
Kudos: 84





	1. Cookies and Conversation (Patton)

**Author's Note:**

> So I recently got sucked into this fandom, and after sitting on this idea for several days, I finally pushed myself to start writing it.  
It’s been a while since I’ve written much in general, and it’s my first time writing these characters, so constructive criticism and critique is much appreciated!

Some things were constants in life. Some of those constants were so obvious that pointing them out was an exercise in redundancy. Grass was green. Water was wet. Disney movies were the best. And Virgil, the literal manifestation of Thomas’s anxiety, was anxious.

What else was new?

The card Patton had given him sat on his dresser, the bright, cheerful colors and message a stark contrast to the dark and foreboding theme that the rest of the room held. Virgil kept glancing back at it every now and again as he paced, nibbling on his lower lip as his thoughts bounced around inside his skull, echoing in a constant back-and-forth.

The main sides had accepted him now, sure. But he had still been one of the others, and the others didn’t spend much time in the main commons. Could he just—go out there, now? _Should_ he? What if they stared at him? What if he interrupted something? What if they changed their minds and didn’t want him around, or worse, what if it had been a trick the whole time, a cruel joke meant to get his guard down, and—

No. No, that didn’t make sense. Virgil paused in his pacing and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself and think things through rationally. If they wanted him gone, they wouldn’t have gone to all that trouble to get him back. Princey _especially_ wouldn’t have. 

...Right?

Unless...unless they didn’t actually care about him, and were just putting up with him for Thomas’s sake, and then who _knew_ what kinds of things they could be saying about him behind his back—

Virgil growled in frustration as he shook his head to clear it. He was jumping to conclusions, that was all. That’s what Logan would say, right? And Patton...he knew Patton seemed to be fond of him, at least. And maybe he was a bit weird about it sometimes, but he wasn’t shy about showing he cared. Just this morning he had knocked on Virgil’s door and told him breakfast was ready, if he wanted to join the others. And sure, Virgil had been too startled and confused to say anything, so Patton had eventually left, but that didn’t mean the other side hated him now or anything, did it?

Oh god, what if it did? He should go apologize, but then again, maybe it would be better if he stayed in here since Patton probably didn’t want to see him now, but on the _other_ hand…

Groaning, Virgil slid his hands down his face, digging his fingertips into his cheeks. He was beginning to annoy himself with his own indecision, and at this rate, he’d never get around to doing anything and would end up barricading himself in his room for the rest of the day. He needed to just get it over with—apologize to Patton and hope that was enough. Before he could talk himself out of it, he strode towards the bedroom door and yanked it open, then forced himself to step out into the hallway. He just had to get it over with. Rip the band-aid off.

Still, his steps were hesitant as he made his way down the hall and then downstairs. He paused partway down and scanned the area—it was quiet, and there was no sign of Logan or Roman. A good start.

He wasn’t actually used to spending much time in the commons, especially not during daylight hours, and his attention was temporarily diverted as he stepped onto the ground floor. The layout was similar to Thomas’s apartment, of course, but he could spot various things that served as evidence to the others living here. A pile of mismatched blankets and pillows sat on the couch, likely the remnants of a pillow nest someone built. A bookcase was placed against one wall, with most of the books neatly shelved, though a few were clearly missing and others were slotted horizontally in the gap between the top of the books and the next shelf up. A hat rested on the corner of the TV, for some reason, and over on the end table next to the couch, two small piles of books and papers sat, balanced slightly off-center.

Virgil moved to straighten the piles, a bit distracted as he took in the sights, and it was only then that the sounds of humming and quiet clatter, both coming from the kitchen, came to his attention. He froze, his eyes on the book of sudoku puzzles in front of him.

The humming paused. “Oh! Hey, Virgil!” greeted a voice, sounding, oddly enough, pleasantly surprised to see him. Virgil finally forced himself to look up, confused and hesitant at the tone, and found his gaze meeting Patton’s. The other side was wearing an apron lightly dusted with flour, and a wide, warm grin. Virgil blinked and gave an awkward smile in return, lifting a hand. 

“Oh, uh...hey, Patton,” he replied, his eyes darting away and focusing instead on the various ingredients and measuring cups laid out on the kitchen counter. “You’re baking, huh?” Virgil winced internally. What a stupid question. Of course he was baking, that was obvious! Why did _that_ have to be the first thing that came out of his mouth?

“Yeah!” the cheerful side said, seemingly oblivious to Virgil’s embarrassment. “I’m trying out a new cookie recipe. Oh—I meant to ask you earlier. Do you like coconut? And how about cherries?”

This...was definitely not the direction Virgil thought this conversation was going to go. Was Patton not upset with him? Or was he just hiding it? “They’re fine, I guess?” he said unsurely. “I mean, yeah, they’re not my favorites but I like them just fine…”

“Oh, good! I’m hoping everyone will like these, but I realized I don’t really know your tastes.”

The response gave Virgil pause. “You wanted to make sure I’d like them?”

“Well of course, silly!” Patton replied with a grin as he placed his hands on his hips. “You’re part of the family now, and what better way to welcome a new member than to bake something they’ll go coco_nuts_ for?”

Virgil shook his head at the pun, even as a small smile snuck its way into his face. Something about Patton’s words, though, gave him an odd fluttering feeling in his chest, and he absently pressed a hand to it, as if to trap the feeling inside and prevent it from escaping. Seeing Virgil’s expression, Patton’s own smile widened.

“Say, you want to help me finish these up, kiddo?” he asked. “Baking is always _butter_ with another person!”

“I—are you sure?” Virgil asked hesitantly. “I don’t really know my way around a kitchen.” Well, that wasn’t entirely true, but he didn’t want to be a burden, or get in the way, or—

“Well, it’s never too late to start learning,” Patton replied cheerfully, cutting off Virgil’s anxious train of thought. “I’m sure you’ll be a pro in no time!” That earned him a small smile, and Virgil finally crossed the space into the kitchen proper to join Patton at the counter.

He was still a bit hesitant, but Patton exuded an air that just made him feel...maybe not _calm_, exactly, but certainly more at ease. The two quickly fell into a rhythm, enjoying a companionable quiet where the only constant sounds were those of the clatter of baking and Patton’s humming. The more cheerful side would occasionally pause to give Virgil instruction, or demonstrate how to do something, or praise Virgil for a job well done. The latter of those moments just made the anxious side blush faintly and duck his head, tugging up his sweatshirt to partially hide his face.

Still, despite the pleasantness of the whole situation, Virgil couldn’t quite ignore the worry still gnawing at his gut. What about what happened this morning? Was Patton still mad at him? His fingers began to fidget as he thought, the motions gradually growing more restless, and finally, as they were finishing scooping balls of dough onto the last of several cookie sheets, he spoke up.

“Um...hey, Patton?” he began nervously, not lifting his gaze from the cookie sheet.

Patton paused and looked over at him, a slight look of concern on his face at Virgil’s tone. “What’s up, kiddo?” he asked. 

“I just, uh…” Rip the band-aid off, Virgil. “About this morning—I didn't mean to blow you off or anything, I just wasn’t expecting—I mean, I’m not used to—ugh, sorry, I...” He groaned, hiding his face. Why was it so damn hard to say what he meant?

Confusion, surprise, and then understanding crossed Patton’s face in rapid succession, and he gently laid a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. The side stiffened and risked a glance up at Patton, eyes wide, and the hand was removed.

“It’s all right, Virgil,” Patton said gently. “You’re not used to being around us yet, and that’s okay! I’m not mad at you just because you weren’t at breakfast.”

“You’re...not?”

“No, of course not!” he said, his tone and smile full of reassurance. “Some things...take time. And sure, we want you to be comfortable with us, but we can’t force that to happen. You can take your time to get used to us, and we’ll do the best we can to include you, so you can join us when you’re ready.” His expression gentled further. “There’s no rush.”

“But…” Virgil began, hesitant, “you seemed so excited to have me as part of the group. I don’t want to...let you down.” And oh, was it nerve-wracking to admit that. It took all of Virgil’s willpower not to cringe from embarrassment as he said the words. 

Patton just shook his head. “You could never let me down, Virgil. You’re perfect just the way you are, and if you need some time to adjust, then that’s what I’ll give you.”

Still hesitant, a bit of disbelief still in his gaze—how could he be so lucky, after all, to have these new friends who understood and accepted him, just like that?—Virgil nodded slowly. “...All right,” he said finally. “All right. Thanks, Patton. That, uh...that really helps.”

The other side’s answering smile was as warm as the sun. “No problem, kiddo. Now, what do you say we get these in the oven?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The cookies were delicious. Biting into one he had plucked off the cooling rack, Virgil bit back a moan at the warm, soft, sweet-yet-tart flavor of the confection. Seeing his expression, Patton swallowed the last bite of his own cookie and grinned.

“So, would you say they’re..._cherry_ good?” he asked, to which Virgil responded with a chuckle.

“Yeah, Pat, they definitely are. The others are gonna love them.”

Patton’s grin grew wider at those words, his eyes sparkling faintly. “Good! Want to help me surprise them? It’s about time for both of them to take a break anyway.”

“Sure,” Virgil said with a nod of agreement. With only a small bit of trepidation, he followed Patton as the side left the kitchen and headed towards the stairs. As they began to climb, though, Patton paused and glanced back at him. “Hey, Virgil?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for the help today, kiddo. You made things a lot more fun.”

“I did?” Virgil replied, surprised. “I didn’t even talk that much or anything. I was just...there.”

“Sure, you didn’t say much, but a lot of the time, it can be nice to just have another person there, you know?”

Virgil thought he did know, a little. Maybe. He nodded. Patton nodded back.

“You make good company, kiddo.” Virgil started in surprise, but Patton continued. “And just so you know, you can come to me for anything if something’s wrong, or even if you just want to talk.” He smiled. “And I bet the other two would say the same thing if you asked them. Don’t be afraid to talk to us if you need to, okay?”

Momentarily at a loss for words, Virgil was silent. He very much doubted Logan or Roman would want him interrupting them for something, especially just a chat, and yet...the optimism and reassurance in Patton’s words made him want to believe him, even if that belief only lasted a few moments. So, finally, he nodded. “Okay,” he responded. “I’ll, uh...keep that in mind.”

Patton smiled and nodded back, and then continued on up the stairs. Virgil followed, and soon the hallway was filled with chatter as Patton bribed the others out of their rooms with the promise of cookies. Roman was intrigued. Logan complained about healthy eating habits, but came along anyway. 

Surrounded by his new family as they descended the stairs, Patton leading the way as Roman regaled them with his latest project idea, Virgil smiled, just a little.

Maybe, just maybe, this new relationship with the others wouldn’t be so bad after all.


	2. Dread and Disillusionment (Logan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has a nightmare, and seeks out Logan when thinking too much about it results in a panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much for finishing this fic before the end the year! Whoops.  
I was sitting on the unfinished version of this chapter for a while and finally decided to finish it up and get it posted. Virgil might be a bit OOC here, but I felt that way about the last chapter as well.  
The ending may be a little rushed, so I apologize in advance, but I hope you enjoy! And let me know down in the comments what I can improve on, as again, I’m still getting used to writing these characters.

Virgil awoke with a jolt, shuddering and clutching the covers tightly as he slowly brought himself back to reality and calmed his racing heart. He turned his head to look over at the clock and groaned at the time before flopping back onto the pillow and staring blankly up at the ceiling. Definitely too early to get up, but there was no way he was going back to sleep now. Not if he could help it, at least. 

As he stared into the darkness of his room, snippets of the dream played over and over in his mind like a broken record—Thomas’s expression, full of fear, anger, and betrayal, stood out the most. Though the words he’d said were already gone, aggravatingly lost to memory almost as soon as Virgil woke, he could still clearly remember the tone they’d been spoken in, and it served to make him bury himself deeper under the blankets with a hitch in his breath.

He knew he shouldn’t dwell on it, but, well, he was Anxiety—that was kind of his job, thinking about all the things that could potentially go wrong. Granted, his job was meant to be done in regards to _Thomas_, not himself, but nevertheless, the nightmare kept looping through his head, and he couldn’t help but consider it. And the longer he did so, revisiting that expression and tone again and again and again—

Thomas—Thomas wouldn’t, would be? Virgil _knows_ him. 

But he would. He absolutely would. And it was only a matter of time, really, and once he found out then everything would be over, everything would be done for him, he’d have nothing and _Thomas would get rid of him for sure, he would_ hate _him, oh god oh god oh god he can’t have that happen, he’ll lose everything, lose_ them, _nononononono_—

Virgil gasped for breath, staring blankly at nothing as he spiraled further into panic, barely registering the feeling of his own nails digging into the skin of his arms as he curled into a ball on his bed. Dimly, some part of his mind realized what was happening and he tried to regulate his breathing—_four-seven-eight-four-seven-eight-fourseveneight_—but couldn’t get a firm hold in the swelling terror building inside him. Gasping, he lurched up, stumbling forward on unsteady feet towards the door. He had to get out of his room, get somewhere else, get _away_—but to where?

Patton’s words flashed across his mind: _Don’t be afraid to talk to us if you need to, okay?_ He needed to, he desperately needed to, but his thoughts shied away from the cheerful side. Virgil would just worry him, hurt him, he’d just make things worse. Patton couldn’t see him like this. But—but maybe—

He found himself at the door before he fully realized where he was going to go. Part of him shrank back as he raised his hand to knock—it was the middle of the night, he was just being a bother, he could already imagine the scorn on the other side’s face—but the knowledge that his breaths were still ragged, heaving things clawing their way from his chest made him follow through. He rapped quietly on the door, far too aware of the other rooms along the hall where the other sides slept peacefully, and a few moments later it opened to reveal a bleary-eyed Logan, glasses askew and pajamas rumpled, peering out into the hallway with evident confusion.

“Virgil? What…” he began, trailing off as he took in the way the anxious side trembled and panted and stared at him with eyes too wide. He straightened and opened the door wider, and soon Virgil found himself being quickly and carefully shepherded inside. His thoughts began drifting again until suddenly Logan was directly in front of him, keeping some distance between them as he called Virgil’s name. His eyes snapped to the logical side’s own as another breath hissed out from between his teeth. “I need to know if it’s all right for me to touch you,” Logan said, and the calm, straightforward tone of his voice broke through the cacophony in Virgil’s head enough for him to nod in reply.

Logan reached out, and there was a light, brief pressure on Virgil’s shoulders before he suddenly found himself sitting on the bed, Logan carefully crouched in front of him. “Try to breathe with me, Virgil,” he instructed. As he began to count the familiar pattern, Virgil struggled to focus, tried to match it. A small jolt of surprise went through him as Logan’s hands took his own, gently pulling them away from where he had them clamped on his arms. Eventually, his erratic breaths began to even out, Logan’s quiet, even counting and occasional affirmations of _you’re doing good, Virgil, that’s good, keep going,_ working to bring him back to reality and out of the worst of the panic roiling inside him.

Seeing Virgil beginning to come back to himself, Logan released his hands and began to slowly pull away. A sliver of irrational fear ran through the anxious side, and he quickly reached out to grab them again. Logan started at the sudden movement but relented, staying put as he eyed Virgil with concern and, underneath that, a note of confusion.

“He—Thomas doesn’t know,” Virgil rasped. He winced at how loud his voice sounded in the relative silence of the room, but pushed forward, suddenly desperate for Logan to understand. “He doesn’t know who I was. _What_ I was. But—but he’ll find out eventually, and when he does—when he does, he’ll—“ He shuddered, forcing himself to count his breaths again for several long moments and falling quiet in the process.

Through all this, the logical side studied him with a gaze that was both calm and unnerving in its careful scrutiny. “Do you believe he’ll reject you?” he asked once Virgil was calmer once again. Virgil could only nod. “Why?”

“Because—because I was one of _them_, Logan,” he replied, the answer obvious and immediately rolling off his tongue. “I know how you all feel about them, and given _that_, there’s no way Thomas is going to react any better. All his ‘good’ sides already hate the others, so why shouldn’t he?”

“Ah. I believe I see where the problem lies,” Logan said. He began to reach up as if to adjust his glasses, only to abort the movement upon remembering Virgil’s hold on his hands. Virgil quickly pulled his hands back with a guilty, apologetic expression. “While I cannot speak for Roman or Patton, I can assure you that I do not hate the others.”

“You...don’t?” Virgil asked, his brow furrowing in confusion as he stared at the logical side.

“No. Aside from the fact that I don’t feel anything to begin with”—Virgil narrowed his eyes in clear skepticism, but Logan ignored the look and continued on, only reaching up to briefly adjust his glasses—“the others, as with you, are all valuable aspects of Thomas’s personality. Their methods may be...unorthodox, and at times downright disruptive, but they still have their place—and as we learned with you, losing them altogether would likely be extremely detrimental to Thomas’s wellbeing.”

“Okay,” Virgil said slowly, a bit surprised that Logan would be willing to say that the others were actually useful, “but even with all that, Thomas still isn’t going to _like_ us. Them.” _Me_, he left unsaid, cringing at his slip of the tongue. “And he’s going to hate me for keeping that a secret from him.”

“Virgil,” Logan said with a sigh, “Thomas always tries to see the good in others, correct?”

“Yeah…” Virgil replied, already frowning at where this was going. 

“And would you say he believes in giving others second chances?”

“Yeah…”

“And he has now accepted you as part of himself and vowed to try to work with you from now on.”

That wasn’t even a question, but Virgil still nodded. “Yeah,” he sighed.

“Then why would he immediately reject you upon learning about your past, especially without hearing your side of things first?”

Virgil searched for a decent rebuttal, but unable to find one, finally just sighed again. “He wouldn’t,” he said sulkily. Even so, relief and hope began to stir in his heart as Logan’s words really sank in.

The logical side nodded. “Precisely. Regardless of your former status, it is illogical to believe that Thomas will reject you after going to the effort of getting to know you and accept you as another side of himself.” He smiled as the remainder of the lingering tension fell out of Virgil’s shoulders and the anxious side slumped with a sigh.

“...You’re right,” he finally replied, looking up at Logan with a small, tentative smile of his own. “That...actually really helps. Thanks, Logan.”

“Of course, Virgil,” Logan said, straightening his back and adjusting the collar of his pajama shirt in lieu of a tie. “I’m glad I could be of assistance.” Looking at the anxious side curiously, he added, “Though I must admit, I’m surprised you turned to me rather than Patton, given his more...comforting nature.”

“I didn’t want to wake him up,” Virgil admitted, running a hand through his hair. “And I guess...how do I put this. Patton—he’s great, he can really make a guy feel better, you know? But you, uh…” He toyed with his sleeves, knowing the words about to come out of his mouth were going to sound stupid no matter how he said them. “You like to get right to the truth, and that can be...soothing, I guess. Helpful for dealing with cognitive-whatevers.”

“Cognitive distortions?” Logan arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah, that.”

“...Well. I’m glad that my presence helped you, Virgil,” he responded after a moment, shifting slightly. “Should you ever need such aid again, my door is figuratively open.”

Virgil blinked in surprise before a smile slowly spread across his face. “Thanks, Logan. I’ll remember that.”

It wasn’t too much later that the anxious side took his leave, bidding an awkward good night to Logan before sinking out and returning to his own room. The conversation they’d had played over in his head, and he felt a measure of calm steal over him. Thomas had already accepted him, and he should try to keep that in mind going forward, despite his past.

In the meantime, he needed to try to get a few more hours of sleep. Hopefully, this time it would be nightmare-free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next chapter is going to star Roman...and I have next to no idea what I’m going to do for that one, so it may be a while before that comes out. I’m also considering a fourth chapter to tie everything together, but I have no idea what that one would be. I suppose I’ll see where I’m at once the Roman chapter is done.


End file.
